Wanna Do,,,Wanna Go,,,Should I go?

What you doing to me
I cant let you go
Even though you keeping me frustrated
It still feels so right
I try so hard not to be jaded
Every time you lie
Try so hard to
Get you off my mind
You know that I be running back to you
My love is blind
I know it this isn't right
He won more time
Like there's too much to leave behind
Want to move on
But I cant
No I just cant let you go
Cuz I been loving you too long
Take it back to how it was
You know I'm going crazy
I cant do this no more
I just cant let you go
I keep on coming back for more
Told myself now its over
But I still love ya
I cant let you go

I don't think time will ever make it
No matter how hard I try
But you convince im mistaken
When you go and do the things you
We used to do
That made me fall for you
Then you turn around
And say something
That proves me right
this aint right
I know I'm a fool
To think that I need you in my life
I should know better but
When im with you
I forget about the past
I know im just playin myself
But I don't care
I don't wanna let you go neither
When I get upset or frustrated

Too much alcohol or simply not enough???

So Here we are march 12th already..OMG did this year ever fly by.. 2008?? Oh boy..Im going to be 25 this year???..!!!!!! Ahhhhh...Im getting older...BOOOOOOO.
Anyways , the point is this blog is, the truth to be told, I dont know when and My bf got together. I don't even know how long we've been dating...LoL..Its all such a blur to me. I do remember St.Pattys day, WE GOT TOGETHER lol..Hint hint hint....I believe we we're even together before than..I dont remember the first time we slept together..Kinda horrible isnt? Makes me wonder if I was drinking too much and the alcohol impaired me to not remember... Shouldn't I remember things like that? . Hell I cant even recall when he met my parents nor when I met his. When did we consider each other as a couple?? He don't remember either , although doesn't really surprise me,.,. I kinda think he wasn't sure if he wanted to date me right away. I know he wanted to sleep around with me., but didn't feel that he wanted to actually be with me. Now, this is where I think I get my doubt feelings from. That he only was with me cause of the sex. Although I do recall things going down with his friend and me pretty much giving him an talking to on how I felt about us and what we we're and what not. I hate not knowing at least a lil bit, .. Like I was more so a convince to him. That I was a good piece of ass and it was just blended into something more. I'm not saying I didn't feel the same. But I know that I didn't want to be friends with benefits, and I do recall feeling that way with him at one time. I've been thinking a lot of what I want in my future where I want to be, what I may want, who's in it, blah blah blah. I remember though when we did get together, feeling like the other girl. He was friends with a mutual friend of ours, he lived with her at one time but moved out shortly before we got together. (hint hint)(lol) . I actually hung out with her, went to clubs, went shopping, lunches, and all kinds of stuff. I Recall feeling like I was just there, and never knowing my place. He cater to her a lot when we we're together, well hanging out. It always seemed like he just totally cared about her too much and I was just a rebound. Really thats how I felt. I know now, thats where A lot of my -self doubts come from when it has to do with how I feel with staying together and knowing if this is what I want. I cant seem to get it out of my head. Sucks. But its true. I care about him a lot. I do..I just hate the fact that I will never really know what I mean to him., and if she came to him asking for a second chance would he take it? I already feel like the second girl, even now at times. She doesn't even talk to me, ignores me, but completely talks to him, does whatever with, says whatever, and the sad thing is he lets her do it. I really don't know how to feel, I have that over my head and it bothers me to know end. Was I just a girl to get over her and he just happen to like me in the end. I do remember asking him about if I was a rebound, and I of course he said no, Why would he say yes..lol...Talk about shooting yourself in the Nuts!!!
I just hate it, hate to think that he could be just faking everything. That he feels that he just has to be with me , that he felt obligated kinda like he was just like "meh oh well...I at least I wont be alone for Christmas and get steady sex!!.. I guess what I'm saying is he didn't put much effort in us in the beginning, at all..We pretty much was just having sex. Hanging out at my house. After so long I got tired of it. Really how is that suppose to make me feel? I told him straight out, we can hang out, but no sex, or just actually date. I don't even remember when it was I said that to him, in other words I was thinking he was sleeping around with other women, or sleeping with a certain someone. I think I brought this up a few times to him, that I didn't want to be friends with benefits! Now in all fairness, I didn't have feelings for him in the beginning . I just knew I didn't want to used. I believe it went on for a while, before we even told anyone that we even slept together. I don't even think we even went out at all much together either. I was feeling like Im good enough to sleep with, but Iam not good enough to be with?? After so long of sleeping together, kinda gets to you. Not sure what to do about it. Having to deal with Chantel all the time. Having her in my life the way she is, Iam really not sure If I can handle it. Having to doubt things with him because the way she is all over him while Im IN the SAME room!! Im really not a jealous type, she doesn't even make me Jealous its more less I can see her for some reason hurting a bit cause we are together and I know she just wants to hurt me. Now I don't know If my bf would ever cheat on me with her. I like to say No. But sadly I wouldn't put my life on it. I wouldn't be surprised that they we're together while Him and I we're just talking and getting to know each other. Only because I felt like he was still in love with her, how he acted, how when she would call or txt him, I honestly can say he would jump, leave me to see her and come back later on. Yes, I totally told him how I felt when it was going on., but that fact of him letting it go on, and kinda to this day (not as bad though) . just really makes me wonder. I won't lie, I probably should of let myself be single for a bit longer before him and I got together, but it kinda just happen.. Like even in August of this year,, we had some issues with her, saying things, and he letting it just slid. I really thought he didn't want to be with me. I was just the middle person to make someone get jealous. Really hurts to have that stuck in my head , to wonder what I really do mean.

Next To You

3am and I wish that I was sleeping
You're in my mind like a song playing on the radio
All I know is that I want to get close to you
Laying there turning the minutes into hours
To find the nerve to message you
You don't know that I wanna be close to you
Yeah it's 5 in the morning and I can't go to sleep
Cause I wish you knew what you mean to me
What do I have to say? What do I gota do?
How to get the one you want to want to get close to you?

Again another awaking yet Sleepless Night.

I'm starting to think there something wrong with me lately. It s 2:30am I'm sleepy, but I can't seemed to fall asleep. I've been going threw this endless nights of not sleeping going to work and then crashing when I get home. Yet only for a few hours. I began to think,,,I'm over thinking. Yes. I've been stressed out a bit with family, bf, hours at work, money situations etc..Does it really give my body a hard toll on the sleep aid. It's come to the point where I'm either thinking about one thing or another and letting my mind wonder instead of it sleeping. I came to the conclusion that this week I may just stop by my doctors and get some sleeping pills to help with those nights. I've been on them before when I in my early 20's. I was dealing with somethings that happen to me , going to counseling and what not. I found they helped, but only for a short period because I refused to take them all the time. I've gotten to the point where I'm taking Advil , just to make my self a bit drowsy so I can calm my thoughts and actually get some sleep. I can not stand it being up, when I know I have to work in the morning and have plans after my long uneventful sleepless day at work. I don't think right, I'm moody. Hell the other night I was up for over 24hours, no sleep, no naps, worked, and boy let me tell you I wanted to cry I was so over tired. I wish I could just shut my brain off, and let my body do its thing.
So with all this said. Think Friday I'll call the doc and see what I can do. Not much of a pill popper but I need to do something. The stress level so up high that its not going to go away anytime soon.

Great on Paper, Not in Person

Should you hang out in a comfortable relationship, even if you know he or she isn't "The One?"

Im currently doing some house cleaning and not too sure where to start. My bf and I get a long great, though I feel something missing. . He's smart, older ,not into the bar scene every weekend, well-dressed, intelligent, and came from a nice family.. He had never cheated on a girlfriend that i know of . He even professed a desire to get married someday. He treats me well, but I kinda feel that there's no passion.

Even his flaws are fairly livable. There was no alcoholism , no trail of ex-wives or illegitimate children. Sure,he passes out before 12pm. He's not really that romantic, but still finds ways to let me know how he feels. You're thinking what the heck am'I complaining about..lol
But, really, nothing too horrible. On paper, he was the perfect guy. In person, however, was an entirely different story
Not that it was bad, it just wasn't that good. It sort of took me a while to realize that he wasn't "The One." We always have a good time together, we rarely argued, and I like his friends and family. The signs that maybe we shouldn't be together were murky at best. Im never really unhappy with him despite little things that rubbed me the wrong way,

Sometimes I'd think about ending the relationship, but with no real catalyst like a big knock-down, drag-out fight (and there are generally no lovers quarrels if you're not really emotionally connected) I hardly gave a breakup much consideration. We got along well, our friends hung out together, he's so laid back, perhaps maybe he's too laid for me?????. Im the type who likes to get out, do new things, spend time with friends, rather than stay home all the time and watch movies. I sometimes feel Im draggin him out and he's only going out with me because he has too. Im 24 going on 25 and he's 34 going to be 35.. Is are age difference really getting in the way of the spark??.. Like don't get me wrong. I love him I do. But I kinda feel at times he's only with me because Im young pretty, and besides what 34 old man wants to be alone..???...????

This type of dilemma is actually quite common when you're in a situation where you get along well, but the sparks just aren't there. But here's what you have to ask yourself: If your guy or girl is really perfect for you on paper, then why aren't there any sparks? And should you hang out in a comfortable relationship indefinitely, even if you know he or she isn't "The One?"

Got me to think about definition of passion from your heart? Or is it more of an expectation, driven by soap operas and cable television? Think about the relationships you've had where you did feel passion -- were they with bad boys who treated you like dirt? Women who barely acknowledged you existed until they needed a new drink? Sometimes we mix up passion with danger -- so a nice, sweet guy or girl who really might be right for us doesn't make our palms sweat because they're, well, nice.

I'll have the veal. No, the chicken. No, the veal

The second thing you need to ask yourself is why you're not feeling sparks if this person really is perfect on paper. Do you really want what you want?
If he looks good on paper, but your having second thoughts , you need to think about whether what you've been looking for is what you really want. Or, is it what somebody else convinced you that you should want, like Mom, or your gaggle of married girlfriends.

Third, your intuition could be telling you something. If he or she is technically exactly what you're looking for but something's just not right, it could be your intuition picking up on some little clues. And, the truth is, every day you spend with Mr. (or Ms.) Right Now is a day you're missing out with Mr. (or Ms.) Right.

As far as my "On Paper" guy was concerned, frankly, I don't think I was his "One" any more but both of us were comfortable hanging out and having fun.
I really don't know what to do. I don't want to string him along. Than again I sometimes feel that I'm being stringed along, and I'm just a nice look arm decoration. I guess I just feel alone a lot.
He is very closed off, doesn't say how he feels too often, drives me nuts . I'am Selfish for wanting to be romance once in awhile to know that he cares about me without him even saying it. Its been awhile since he just kissed me for no reason. In some cases I do a lot of physical part, and he just goes for the ride. Though no relationship is perfect, maybe this is just one our low times rather than high......

airless

If I should go before I awake
Because you had took my air away
Losing you is like living in the world without no air

I’m here alone, didn’t want you to leave
My heart can't Beat its incomplete
Is there a way to make you understand?

How Do you expect me to live alone in this world with just me?
When my world revolves around you
It’s so hard for me to breathe
So hard for me to leave

Can’t live, can’t have a life without any air
That’s how I feel whenever you're not here
But somehow I’m still alive
You took my breath and I did survive
I don’t know how but I don’t even care
Have me out here in the water so deep
Now I'm Drowning without no air.
There’s no air, no air

Snow Flakes Are fallin on my Head!!

Gosh I hate snow, the cold, icy roads, I can not stand WINTER. Love the nice hot weather, summer days of wearing flip flops, the hot wind in my air, the smell of flowers, being able to leave my house without bundling up. Oh boy oh boy...I want summer. LOL.
Anyways, the weekend was amazing. Although Friday was absolutely horrible. I didn't sleep at all, and I had to work the next morning. I ended up pulling a all niter . Gosh it was not going well. So I stayed home and slept. Worked Saturday morning which wasn't too bad. I went out with the girls Saturday night...LOL..OH gosh..It was so much fun. I haven't hung out with them in a long time. We went to the Room, which was ok, because I haven't been there in a long time. It's nice not going to the clubs and then going. You have a better time that way:D I miss hanging out with my girl friends. Not so much the club scene but I do miss just hanging out with them. We danced,, drank, danced,...did I say we danced???.. I have lots of pics, had a blast!!! I never had that much fun in a real long time. Not that I dont have fun with other people. It's just that it was like old times when we we're like 22 and going out..Miss those girls. :D
Was also nice because my bf didn't give me hard time about going. I used to being yelled at and having to fight and all upset before heading out. No-wonder why I drank a lot. lol. I didn't drink a lot on Saturday there was no need too. But before when I used to go out I would drink a lot because I was so pissed off. Really nice to have a mature Bf, that tells me to have a good time and he'll talk to me tomorrow sorta deal.

Everything but the Kitchen Sink.

Cant really say much about this week. Has been kinda blah. Though I'm happy that I got some shifts this week. With working the holiday and getting decent amount of shifts, I could use the extra cash. This week went went by pretty fast, I'm so not looking forward to working the weekend. I had the weekend that just past off and I loved every moment of it. Again I havent seen my bf again all week. lol. Seems like I don't know when Ill see him because I have plans for this Friday and Saturday night. Friday Im suppose to go to a comedy club with my friend Korry. Its free tickets, food and possibly free stuff to win. He asked me like a week ago to go, I don't want to cancel now just because I haven't seen my bf. Saturday night the girls asked me once again to go out with them. I've canceled so many times with them that I kinda feel like Im missing out on everything that has been going on with them. Hell my girl has been separated from her bf for like over a month and I didn't even know. Thats how much I'm out of the loop. I dont have much cash at the moment. So they even are going to pick me up at home and we are going to pre-drink at Yvonne's place to also saving some more cash. I have to work days on sunday so I won't be out long, but it will feel good to go out dance and just hang out like the good old days. I miss them so much. Seems like everyone is just doing their own thing. I work a lot of afternoons so I miss a lot girl time with them. So even though I want to see my bf so much, I don't think a few more days won't hurt us. He doesn't know that I have plans.lol. News to him. I'm sure he is assuming that we are hanging out this weekend. Again its his bday in March and I have plans with him then. So it's not the end of the world if I see him Sunday night or something. My priorities right now are my friends because I've been neglecting them so much. I have groups of friends which they all don't hang out. lol. So I have to try and space my time out with all of them. Not always making everyone happy. But I try. Can't make everyone happy. The way I see it, If my bf and I are going to be together than we have the rest of our life's. My Friends have always been there , threw all those hard times. Bf's come and go all the time. If I break bridges with my friends than I can only blame myself. Friends are very important, at least good friends and I like to know that I can go to them if I really need them. So with that being said, I will do what I said I would do and go to my commitments. Should be interesting though. I haven't been down town in a long time. Well , at least the bar that we are planing to go to. As for as Korry concerns I can't break them either. I wish I could though , I wouldnt mind seeing my bf......:(
Oh well, life goes on, can't have the moon.

Air less

The room is colder now, I think it's sick of me
Un-tie the weight bags, I never thought I could...
Steady feet, don't fail me now
Gonna run till I can no longer walk
And I'm standing down...
I think I'm moving but there's nothing there
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh, but you don't see
You've got my eyes set on anywhere but here
I'm glancing down on myself, counting up my years
I start to wonder why you're ' there and not here'
Should of given you everything , should of given me all of you
But what's there ain't what we really need
Every moment I try and stay clear
One last Time to make my last attempt to feel
I'm moving. But I don't go nowhere
Should of known that I would get scared
I've become what I can no longer be,
I'm tryin to come back, can fell all my senses fallen back
Can Un-not all the sand bags, I never thought I Would...
Beg My Unsteady legs, please don't fail on me now
Gonna run till I can no longer walk

Early October

On the that cold dark full moon night,

The night that you went away.

October 5th late at night the date I sadly say.

I closed my eyes and hoped to god that

this was just a really bad dream,

And I would wake up the very next day.

But than to realize that is was real and I could not take it away.

I felt so helpless and cold inside

when I had walked into your room while you lay in your bed

So graceful so peacefully

Your troubles are gone, you're suffering had stopped.

I thought about what you must have went though

within the seconds before you were gone.

I wonder if you felt alone and hoping that was not the case.

I wonder what you thought of , your last few moments on this earth

I wonder if you thought of me, I wonder if you felt free.

It’s like I lost my best friend you were like another mother to me.

I wonder if you were sad to go, I wonder if you knew that it was your time.

I wonder if your are watching me now, helping me get threw.

I hope that you knew that you are loved,

I hope you know how much you meant to me,

I wonder what you said to God before he took you away

I felt like I was in a dazed, like I had no heart, no breathe to breath

I can take a few tears now and then and can let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while

Even though going on with you gone always upsets me

There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
What hurts the most
Was being so close

Having so much to say
And knowing you had passed away

And never knowing

What could have been

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
It’s hard to force that smile when I see things that remind me of you,

Still Harder Getting up, getting dressed, living’ with you gone
But I know if I could do it all over Again

I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
that I left unspoken

The feeling took right over me and I couldn’t help but shed my tears.

I wish I was there to hold your hand, the night you passed away.

Written With Love: For , DeeDee (Grandma)

Left Wondering

Had a very long but pretty good day. Started out with having the adventure of taking an unusual site seeing bus to the bank. It's by the market so I figured I would do a walk around threw and see what was there. Could help but notice all the different yet exotic things you can get. It's amazing how different nationalities have so many foods. Was tempted to buy something, but I didn't have any extra cash so I just browsed around looking at all the different kinds yummy selections. After I wiped my drool off my lip (yes I left my house without eating so I was getting hungry) I walked to the nearest Tim Hortons to grab a coffee and some change for way back home. Listening to my ipod as I sat down and took a seat on the bus I got to thinking about what else I had to do. One day off and it was already almost 2:00pm. I never really took the time to notice how many people can be so rude. This poor young mentally challenge boy got on the bus he was dropped off by I believe who was his social worker. The bus driver must have known who he was because he said "hello I'll watch him" to the fellow who was waiting for the bus with him. It was kinda cute because he saw me smiled and sat in the seat over from me. I curiously watched him gather up his things and pulled out his cross word puzzle and pencils. About 5min later the young boy dropped his book on the floor. It was not to far from my seat so I picked it up for him. He smiled and said thank-you. The man sitting in front of me looked back and smiled also. It really seemed like no-one really paid any attention to him, I felt kinda sorry from him too and how much I take for granted. I'm well aware with my decisions, thoughts, wants, and can manage living alone without anyone holding my hand guiding me threw things. Unlike some people who can't not because they don't want too, just because mentally they can't. I'm really grateful that I'm able to work, go out when I please and have the responsibilities that one needs to be able to make it in this cruel world. Couldn't imagine living without knowing where I'am and not knowing any better.
Finally I get home, was pretty cold out so I was happy I was in the warmth and out of the cold. I had a few hours before I had to head out again to go the gym and go to my Yoga class. I've been slacking this week so I figured I would go. Jess and I usually go together but I wanted to work-out before hand since I didn't go this much at all this week. So I spent sometime surfing the net and talking online. I talked to my bf which by the way I haven't seen in like almost a week. Not really sure what to make of that. I seen him for like 5min on Monday and since than I haven't seen him since and its now Friday! He's been going to bed real early and I spent the last two days working afternoons. So we have been just text messaging. It's been really weird lately. I feel like we are kinda falling apart. Although I know he has been working early days and not really feeling that great, I just find it a little hurtful that he doesn't really even want to talk on the phone. I've been working till 11pm the last few days so I can understand why it's hard for him to stay up. Though a phone call would be nice instead of a text message.Well anyways we talked for a bit online catching up and what not. By than it was almost 5pm and I had to leave shortly to head out to the gym. My yoga class started at 7 and I wanted to get at least an half hour of workout in. I figured I would leave before 6. Than to come to realize I missed that last bus so I had to wait till the 6:09 bus. Grrr.. So I said bye to my bf and I left the house. To make matters worse I received a text message from Jess saying that she wouldn't be able to make it out because her bf was making her dinner and they needed some quality time. Well than ok, guess I'm on my own for yoga. As I waited and waited for the bus to come, I started to get real cold and looked to see what time it was. It was 6:14pm, wtf is going and where the heck is the bus. I started to get impatient the next one didn't leave until another 15minutes. Somehow I missed it and I was waiting yet another 15minutes. I was pretty pissed and rethinking about heading back home. I had plans with my friend Korry to pick me up from the gym and go see a movie after I was done . I thought about how much I've been neglecting on going to the gym this week, which got me to sit there and wait. lol. Finally the bus had arrived but giving me no time to work out before hand. I decided that I would skip the yoga class and just work-out for an hour since that all the time I had before 8:00pm when Korry was going to meet me. After my long yet well needed work-out I heading down to the locker room and changed.
Korry just bought a new car so when I got outside I didn't know what to look for. I waited about 5minutes and he showed up. Thank goodness because I was started to get cold.
So we went to the mall where the movie was playing we had loads of time before the movie started. We just walked around the mall a bit figured we would get our tickets, popcorn , pop and head out to the theater to sit and wait. Was a pretty good and cute movie. Chic flick all the way. lol. :D Its nice to finally end your day with a nice movie and a good friend.!

Friends, Cold Nights & Early Mornings

Weekends are such a pain in the ass anymore. I work 3 out of 4 weekends a month which makes getting up before 7am hard to enjoy any weekend! Don't get me wrong working weekends isn't all too bad, just can't enjoy you're night knowing you have to get up for work the next day.
Anyways this weekend was a roller coaster. Friday was ok, stayed home and just relaxed. So getting up Saturday morning wasn't too bad at all. . Saturday night didnt have any plans but pretty much chill-lax at home. But then to come to realize one of my GOOD friends is having some troubles with their relationship. They wanted to go out to let some frustrations out., talk, drink, and just clear some thoughts. I figured I would tag along and be a supervisor. lol. My Friends are really important to me. Like anyone else in this world no-one wants to see their friend upset and feeling low. I had all intentions not to over- drink myself to the point that I felt like I've been rang over with a snow plower.! The night out was good. Did some dancing, a few beers and some good music. Until.. .. .. It had dawned on my friend ( who was completely intoxicated) that they were not happy and needed to do some changes. Why is it that we feel the need to try and make our unhappiness go away with trying to numb it. It does not matter what you numb the pain with. It's always going to be there. I will admit I've done it too. Got all liquored up trying to forget how I feel and make it go away. Reality is, you wake up feeling worse tired, embarrassed, and the problems are still there just with a BIGGER headache. When it comes to relationships, how much should one individual take. ?Everyone has their breaking point, some take more, some take less. I've been threw so much when it comes to dating that I finally know what I want and not settling for anything less. You always see what you want to see, ignoring what is really there. Denial stage is a lot more structured, habit forming and harder to come down to reality. Like looking threw a door of a peep hole, you only see the face of things, never the whole entire surroundings. Until you actually open that door is where you see everything and be able to walk out and be able to look at what is really out there. You can't force people to walk out, unfortunately they have to be the ones who want to see and be able to conquer that fear. So here's the thing.......Maybe you're still madly in love with your significant other, but something tells you it's time to let go. How do you know when to let go? There is no full-proof way to know when to let go of a relationship. Every relationship has its ups and downs, so it is important to distinguish between what is the end of love or what can be sorted out. If your not happy why should you stay, most people say just get out and end it. Well its a lot more difficult and always easier to say it than do it. There's always that second doubt telling us the what If's. Sure you can tell your self that everything will be ok and things will go back to the way it was. Your mind is a beautiful thing and make you think what you want. But you're heart is what takes over in the end.

Impulsive Moments!

Thursday night was not an ordinary night, Jess and I had planned to go to yoga considering it was our light yoga night!! I was so sore that I figured I would just go 15mins of cardio just to warm up. So Jess mentions that she wanted to get a piercing done.. Well than, hmmm so figured I would tag along. lol.. Then head over to the gym once we are done.
So we meet up down town by the tattoo & Piercing Shop, we walk in , Jess explains what she wants to get done. I was thinking about getting my Tragus done.(a part of your ear) I always wanted to get that pierced. So I asked the guy how much it would be. $50 bucks. not too bad. After Jess Finished filling out the paper work they make you fill before they actually do anything to you. The guy asked me if I was getting it done today or not. I looked at Jess, and was Like hmmm should I?? ..lol.. Took one second thought and said "sure why Not' lol.:D
So I filled out my necessary paper work and we both Heading out to the little room where this fine procedure would take place. Jess went first. Poor girl was really nervous. but it looked pretty wicked.(she got something else done) Now its my turn for me, Yah,,lol.. I was a lil nervous considering I haven't gotten a piercing done is so long.. But he recommended me to check out a picture of a Anti-tragus which I liked a lot better. Looked very neat, and I never really seen it on anyone! So I decided to go with that!! Once he marked and set everything up I sat down and hoped I wouldn't pass out!! lol I have 5 tattoo's and two other piercings but you never know , different places in your body react differently and I kinda have a sensitivity to fake jewelery . So anyhoo in not even 20 seconds or so it was done! Not even half painful that I accepted!! Even after wards wasn't too bad. Although Jess was kinda sore, so we didn't bother going to Yoga!!! LOL... Talk about just going with the flow.!!.... I Love BEING Spontaneous!!!!

Jeet Kune Do!?!

Today was very interesting. Unfortunately I didnt get much sleep last night. I was still up at 4am, not too sure why I couldnt sleep, but when My cell rang at 7am to be called in for work, I knew it was going to be a long ass day! So I did go in, I need the shifts!! But I guess it wasn't too bad, was glad when 3:00pm came though!! After settling down after work, I thought about heading to the gym.. I was not going to go at first. But there was a Jeet Kune Do class tonight that seemed rather neat to check out. Started at 630, so I gathered my stuff for the gym and went. Got there fairly early so I did some weight training and heading down to the gym when it was time for the class. I'll be honest I was kinda hesitant at first, I was alone, didn't know anyone and did not know what to accept. So there I was having not a clue what to do, there was a guy doing laps around in a small circle of the gym. Gave it about 5 min and others showed up. Phew, glad to see other people there! lol.. I assumed at that point that's how the class started out by doing laps to get warmed up.

So I joined in and just RAN,,like Forest in Forest Gump!! lol!! So we did that about 10mins or so just running and walking around in a circle warming up. There was six people 3 girls and 3 guys including the dude who was the instructor! Was kinda nice he notice I was new and got my name and started explaining things. OMG.. What a WORKOUT!! We did all sorts of things.
Running, stretching, Kicks (not just kicks I MEAN HIGH ONES) leaps back and forth across the gym floor. Also ab work outs, push-ups on our knuckles, just all sorts of stuff but very INTENSE!!

Learned how to defend myself when someone tries to punch me, was very fun. The people in the group at first was very quiet, but I kinda tried talking to them. The one girl there is awesome!!
Her and I talked a bit, and cheated on some of the exercises a lil while the instructor wasn't looking!! LOL. Im really glad I went. I have to do some catch up considering the class has been going on since before Christmas. But Everyone was really patient with me and the instructor helped me threw everything! Its a high intense work-out with self defense!!!

Always good to learn how to protect your self, you never know when it could come in handy. Next week we are learning more on self protect exercises, which Should be very interesting indeed!!

I'll never worked out so hard and had fun at the same time. I'm just glad my insecurities didn't get the best of me because at one point I was thinking what in god's name did I get myself into!!! But I was reassured that considering it was my first time I did pretty good.
So now I know before this class there is no need to be doing any kind of pre-work out . The class covers every body part and muscle!.. So high Kicks and Punches to my DAY!!

V-Day Commercially Over-Rated!

♥I give Valentine's Day A whole 3+ thumbs DOWN. I don't think that it appropriate to have it.
Yes, we all want to know that we are appreciated and loved. But do we really need a reminder??
Since when that one day out of the whole entire year that we are forced to show it..Shouldn't it be done all YEAR round??.. Most guys dread this day and I don't blame them. Everything that is advertised to buy you wait like a week and its gone down in price! They jack up the prices, make singles feel lonely and couples stressed out on find that special gift. It's very unnecessary. Personally I would rather have something done special like that for no reason at all. Just because not because its done world wide. Like don't get me wrong, I don't mind receiving flowers etc but do it because YOU want too.. It's just a way for the government/companies to get money! It's all BS. so your special someone says "Here Honey I got you a Valentine Card and gift" then they next day they treat you like crap!. ummm Ya NOT. Oh worse if your single you know couples everywhere are spending that special moment and your all alone eating a tub a Ben&Jerry's!!!
Talk about PRESSURE,.. It's all fake, so just for one day you have pretend in some cases that you actually care about that person.? Call me ANTI-Val Gal.. I don't care. I want the person that I'm with want to do things those things when HE ACTUALLY WANTS TOO.,,,not feel like he has too. Whatever happen to Just Because Gifts?. Most girls love this day, hoping to get flowers sent at work, candy, Stuffed Bears or even worse A ring! Who in the the right mind wants to be proposed too on the most over-rated, money hungry, fake day! Romance, BLAH.. Pick another day, I just find it tacky! The only thing that is great about that day is the left over candy that goes on SALE!! :) hahahhahaha.... lol..
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let It BURN BABY!

Today was the first time I actually went to go work-out. I'll tell ya 7am work outs come so early!! I'm trying to do this slow so I don't end up hurting myself or be unbearably sore. But it felt great! Although I felt my abs crunches within a few minutes! Jess and I had fun though. After a let it burn work-put we heading to the mall to get a yoga mat. Wow what a mat of a hunt.. We didn't realize how expensive they would be. We had to do some serious shop around. Ended up going to Sears and picking a $30.00 mat. Yes, 30bucks! For a piece of rubber! I could melt down a tire and it would be cheaper!!! Some of them were like $34-39 just for the MAT! We also wanted to at lease have a carry case, most didn't have a case. The one we got has a built on strap for easy carrying. Which comes in handy. But I'd rather spend the money then use the bum smelly ones they have at the gym. Yuck.
So now its another Yoga night. This time it's regular yoga rather than the light yoga we did last Monday night. Should be interesting to see the difference. We we're told that Yoga is intense and that we are going to be sore from all the stretching and what not. Poor Jess is already feeling sore..lol Hopefully Yoga with help her with stretching all those sore muscles of hers and not make her worse!!! I think I may go tomorrow morning too if I don't get called into work. Mornings seem to be good. Less people there, and I feel like I have more energy throwout the day which is another bonus! Ya for YOGA.

Just a Matter of Opinion...

We all have thoughts and different opinions on how we think and feel about certain issues. Or do we? Couldn't help but notice some people tend to lean towards what others think and tend to not make up there own minds and make their own decisions. How honest are you being with yourself if you are letting someone influence you on the choices you make. If your always leaning on someone else to do these things how is that healthy. The world is full of lots of individual choices, some are life changing and can have a huge in pack. How is always answering with I don't know what do you think ? self righteous...Stand in line and follow the leader! I'm think I'm pretty independent, not afraid to share my opinions and make my own decisions. Although of course I sometimes ask for a second opinion, but in the end I make that decision. I don't need someone guiding me threw it and making my own mind up. Whats the point of having a mind, if your never going to use it.
individuality is our only way to be different it's a beautiful thing. Nothing wrong with speaking your mind, sharing how you truly feel about something. Since when being a copy of another persons views get you anywhere. I don't see the point to just agree with someone, just because your afraid to speak-out. What are people so afraid of? Being different, not having the same views can be rather interesting. You can learn a lot from others, and your self with standing alone and actually not backing down to how you feel. I like being different. With the things I wear, how I present myself, I don't care what other people think I just do what I feel comfortable with. If I want to wear a long socks over my jeans with a tank top over my long shirt I will. If I order something to eat or drink its going to be because I want that. I don't think there is nothing wrong with that at all what soever. It happens in my relationships, my friends, my work place, my family, with my everyday life. Cherish the choices that comes you're way,
I'm who I'am And I love every minute of it.

Something To Look Forward too!

So another Blog today!,..Yes indeed two in one day. How about that!
Well this year I wanted to start a gym, been meaning to join one. Kinda a new years resolution I guess I made for myself.
I was suppose to join one with my Friend Korry, but he wasn't really on the game of going. So I text Jess to see if she wanted to join with me. She had just joined one yesterday!! Found that really weird, but it works.lol..
Now her and I are going tomorrow to do YOGA. woo hoo Yoga! I always wanted to try that. Im just glad I found someone to go with me at times. Always better to go with someone for sure. Just have to go there before hand and set up my membership. Which I guess is pretty set- forward. Then its Yoga TIME!!! Pretty pumped about that, now I have no excuse for me NOT to work-out. Not that I need to loose weight or anything like that. But toning up and getting a "Healthy" start for the new year! I use to work-out a lot, I loved the way I felt after I worked out, maybe it will give some more energy! I need to space my time in better places than rather in front of the computer! I think working out and getting into a better state of mind with how I feel with my "inner physical appearance" will be great. Need to get my heart healthy and my body back to where it was at one time. Yes. I did have a better toned body. I've been slacking in that department. Just need some incentive to actually go. I'm curious with what other classes besides Yoga that I can take. I did belly dancing and that was absolutely awesome! Had such a great time with that class. Boy let me tell you, its a lot harder than it looks. Works a lot of muscles I never knew I had!!.....lol
Although Im not looking forward to being sore.. Eeekkkk I remember when I FIRST worked-out I sure was sore for a few days. But if I do it right Im sure it wont be all that bad!
Should be fun, new, and a lot better for me to be doing that than sitting on my lazy butt!!

There are Summer Days and There are Crapola Days..

~Couldn't help but notice how horrible it is outside today. Slushy rainy, cold and wet out.!! Not a good day to be doing daily errands around the city thats for sure. These kinds of days I just want jump into some warm comfy clothes , lay in bed and watch lots of movies! Doesn't that sound rather day-fabulous!!.. I cant wait for the warming weather to come. I'm sick of the harsh cold, colorless weather! Bring on summer! . .

People tend to be more grumpier in the winter time. I really do think the weather does effect your mood. When its nice and warm out, its great to be outside walk around, and just enjoy the outdoors.
Winter brings on the hibernation in people. No-one wants to go out and be outside..Tends to make people depressed being in doors all the time. I really do wish I lived in an area where it was only 3 seasons instead of 4. Spring, Summer and Fall. Oh boy, and skip Winter!! That would be Fantastic! I don't mind it being mild out were you have wear a sweater. But where it's below 0 and it freezing out, I can't stand it!! bbrrrrr.... I just want to hibernate for the Winter months~

Unbelievable,

Ive always said I would know where to find love,
Never thought I'd be ready and strong enough,
Always felt I should quit and just give up.
But you came along and you changed my whole world and made me look on everything,
Now I'm somewhere, somewhere I've never thought I would be before.
Now I see, what love truly means.

It's so unbelievable,
Don't want to let it go,
Something so amazing, something so beautiful,
Flowing down like a waterfall.
I feel like you'll always be,
Forever a part of me.
And it's so unbelievable to finally be in love,
Somewhere I'd never thought I'd be.

In my heart, in my head, it's so clear now,
I could never imagine being somewhere else,
I was lost and you've rescued me some how.
I'm alive, in a place that I want to be
And I've never would of thought that you could me make see
what love means.
When I think of what I have, and the chances I nearly lost,
I cant help but break down, and see, what love really means