Friendships and all the Drama that goes with it...

Recently have been thinking a lot of my relationships with my friends. Seems like as we grow older, become more successful, personal love relationships become tighter, long hours at work, family struggles, and whatever else life throws at us- we tend to loose that great bond we all once had with our close friends. More and More you feel replaced, unappreciated, less important and frankly non-existent. Why is that? Why do we feel the need to replace lifes most treasures out the window when something we think that is new and more exciting. Sure we do have to separate our time and the way we use that time to good use, but why is it that some people dont make anytime at all? When before all the great jobs, the men/girls , life style changes, etc that even if there was something that we had to do, our friends came almost 1st and was almost most important relationship we had going on in our lives. That threw the hard times and good, our friends were always there for us getting us threw it. Sadly enough a lot of friendship don't survive just because we take them for granted and think that just canceling plans, not bothering to catch up, nor evening spending time together comes rarer and rarer.A lot of friendships are damaged by romantic relationships. I have a few friends that once they get a bf, I come less and less important and are only good enough when things are falling apart. We've all done it, canceled out on a good friend just to spend time with a new lover. Which is perfectly normal and its a fact of life. But when does canceling become too much? That spending time together is only going to happen when there's a fight, or the lover is doing something else that is when they decide that the friendship is important. Has anyone ever heard of balance? It's do-able to be in a romantic relationship, work full time, do whatever else that has to be done, and still be able to make quality with a friend. But I can guarantee that if they lost their job, had a fallin out with a lover, that you're the first person they call to get help from. Sure thats great, thats what friends are for, but its not the only thing they are good for. Romantic relationships come and go can always be replaced, jobs and careers can always be changed too, but good friends, are really hard to find when you have one. My love relationship is very important to me, but is it really worth loosing a good friend over when they we're there first? Not talking about marriage and family either. Just talking about every day dating. That is not a 100% guarantee that its going to even be long -term or not. Why do we feel the need to push away that at one time was most treasured thing in our lives with something that is not a sure thing if it will be there tomorrow or not. Friendships are the most important thing to have, we all need friends, even when your 60 friends are great to have. Although if you replace them with things that could change within hours, minutes and seconds you may just turn around one day seeking out their friendship and it will not be there. And do you really blame them?

One Pitcher, Two Pitchers, Three Pitchers of Beer

Well well, been awhile since my last update on this thing. Hurray hurraw! Things are looking a lot better. Went to New York had an absolutely fantastic time! Shopped, walked like I was on a marathon! Ate like no tomorrow, and never Drank so many times in a row!! I want to go there again, and Im so planing on it! Just wanted to get my New York update before I continued on. Work is going well, full time term for the summer, every other weekend off. Very Nice, smiles from ear to ear about that one! So this weekend was pretty LOW KEY, went out on Friday but thats pretty much it. Sunday was a while other day plan. LOL. Rod and I went out to a local pub we like to go to , hang out, drink beer, perhaps watch a game there. So with that all being said, we ended walking there, and walking home. Was a nice night out, and Im enjoyin EVERY minute of it!! So, we get there, we had a pitcher watched the game. Was nice to relax, chat a bit, blah blah.. Well one pitcher turned into TWO and Two turned into THREE!! Yes, we we're a lil buzzing..LOL. So as we ALL know when you start drinking, conversations that you don't usually have start, mind ya ALL THE TRUTH!! LOL. With that being said, we ended up talking about us, and some of the future stuff.. Alcohol can be a killer OR a nice deal breaker!! But this was a good convo, consider we never really talk about things like that. Moving in together, kids, marriage, past sex partners, lol (Yes I covered that one) I thought Hell, If Im going to be with this guy, I want to know that he was a normal guy and he wasnt sticking he's dick in everything and everyone! Number was normal, no freakadee shit, and not too many one night stands..Well all great check marks around,..LOL thank-goodness he didnt ask mine!! LOL..I kid I kid, my number isnt really that high. Well, at least I dont think so. Although I kinda wish we weren't drunk for this talk, but MEH I found out he's more into me than what I assumed. That he is in it for the long hall, and pretty much ready to settle down. Kinda got the picture he was just waiting for me, and How I felt about the whole future issue. I was honest though, mentioning sure I want too,, but not right at this point. He already knew that, but when the time comes it comes. I dont want to rush into anything, want to let it happen,.For me its a huge step considering I never had really lived with anyone. Sure I had past bf's stay over etc, but its different when you both have a place to crash separately! But than again when I think bout it, if just say in a month from now he asked me to marry him I really would say yes. Im not one of those girls who has a mission to get married and have kids. But if it happens, it happens. Im happy where Im at. Have a great boyfriend., kinda already consider us together together, dont need a ring to show it. Ill be honest sure I thought about what I want in my own wedding. Where it would be, how many ppl, the kind of dress, but at the same time its a huge life change for me. Im use to taking care of myself, doing everything alone. Living alone than living with someone takes time to adjust. But Im more than willing to take that change and make it out to be the best. Just thankful that I have to a great guy to do that with. Who knows what will happen but at this moment Im enjoying where Im at with him, we get along great, we think of each other, there is no self thought, we're too busy trying to make each other happy..LOL..that we forget about ourselves. Never really had that before. I give in and he always gives back more. We dont fight, which is great. Im sure in time we will, but I really dont think that it would ever be huge. Its been over a year, and we've had some problems here and there, nothing major or threating to our relationship at all, kinda made us stronger if you ask me. I can say that all I want is for him and I to be happy, I want to make him happy and would do almost anything for him.

Ups and Downs, Smiles And Frowns.

So its been awhile since I wrote anything on here. SORRY..Been out of it , nothing really to share Well, there is, but I'd rather not talk about it on here. So., with that being said, Im goin to NEW YORK tomorrow. I leave at like 1pm, I should be SO EXCITED to go, I know I know. I'am , but I just have so much on my mind right now it's hard to concentrate on the trip. See the thing is, my boyfriend and I (well this is only the way I feel) arent doing too well. I feel like we are just falling into a routine, the way we spend time, have sex, even how we communicate. Plus I found something(s)on my computer the other day, that for some reason I cant seem to get over. Not too sure if he was even on those sites (dating/single sites) He says no, but I just cant get pass it. Plus He has a friend that just recently ended a relationship and he seems to be seeking out a partner in crime to pick up women. Guess what, my bf is the one he is seeking too. I know I shouldnt be worried, but thats all I tend to think when and if he does go out with him. That he is picking up along with his friend or at least having interest(s) in other women. I have such a hard time trusting seems like its more of a hassle being in a relationship, I cause more harm then good. All Ive been doing to rethinking on what he'll be doing while Im out of town. He's buddy is all about picking up and pretty much getting laid. It's hard not to think about what situations he'll be in and if he can actually say no, and be actually thinking of me. He's not very open to me at all, though I will admit he has been a lot better since I talked to him on my feelings. Why do I feel like he is hiding something, that I can be easily replaced, I'm not afraid of commitment but I'm afraid that someone can't be completely committed to me. Lately (these past few months) I've been thinking of taking a break, and maybe not being in relationship possibly that will help me get over my trust issues. I think maybe when I got out of mine 2 and half year and then some relationship with my ex really FUCKED me over. Maybe I didn't take enough time to be alone and have sometime to myself. Though a second part of me feels that he is serious about me, and he wouldnt do anything like . That is it just my OWN insecurities just getting the best of me.
I don't want the world, I just want to feel like I'm important, needed, and wanted. Rather than just being there for he's lonely times. When he does come over, seems like all he does is SLEEP. Even with the sex, seems like I have to start it, and even than, he seems like he's not there. There other night we had a little mess up with him being able to (the best way to put it) perform. Got me thinking way too much!! Like is he if attracted to me?Im not sexy enough? That Im not even remotely cute enough for him to keep it up????..Made me feel like crap when that happen, and its not even the first time that this has happen. Of course We we're drinking a bit, and when I realized that he lost it, I kinda fell apart. With all the other things going on with us, that was the last thing I needed. So of course I started balling like a school girl. LOL. Sure enough he notice that I started crying when I said nothing was wrong. He tried to reassure me that it had nothing to do with me. That he loved me and he didn't want to see me cry. Sounds like a something that he thought I wanted to hear if you ask me. Of course he is going to say something like that.!!! So with that all being said, Im going to try not to think about it so much and have fun while Im In NEW YORK. Not everyday you get a chance to go there. Kinda wish that Ill be able to check out the clubs there, nightlife etc. But oh well. At least I get too see it. Another thing recently that kinda bothered me too, is that I dyed my hair. Got rid of blonde and you know he didnt even NOTICE at all,!! Wow, that made me feel so great about myself, like is he even Looking at me?? That he can't even notice my Hair Colour! I'm totally darker now, and he didnt even take a second glance at me.!!! But He'll notice any other Hot girl that happens to be on the computer and I dont want to even know what he does when a good looking girl walks by him! Sure Im sexy to him when he's had a few drinks and perhaps he catches other men looking at me. Than Im good for him. But other times. Im just there in the background and when He feels like it maybe he'll pay some attention to me. Seriously, Im not playing games like that, nor do I want to feel like Im always seeking out to be notice,