How did we??...

You used to hold my hand while we walked down the street, now you just stay way too far from me.
You used to talked with me late at night. Now you just fall right to sleep.
Could always make you laugh with all the lame things I did
Now all you do is look at me with that ugly look you give.

When the fling has gone, and the spark is out......
When the the smiles are gone and there's nothing left but doubt
The silent ways turns into screams and I'm pounder just one thing. .....

How did we get this way?
How can we just move on?
How do you feel at the end of the day when it seems that everything we had is gone??
Is it cause you want to be free? That we rather not be?
Normally I'm can leave and not let it dazzle me.
Knowing Our forever will never be

When love we had was so sweet and brand new
You used to undress me with your bright loved filled eyes
Now you can't bother to touch me and you tell me it's too late.

You said some things that you can never take back
It's like we're on the opposite side and love is what we lack
We opened up the can of worms, cause everything wiggles out of place.

Now should we stay together cause we're scared to be alone?
I got so used to this loud substance, it kind of feels like home
The Loneliness feels like the comfort of someone's warm embrace.
Knowing that our forever will never be the case.

No air.

Have you ever felt like you had everything you ever wanted but come to realize you really dont have anything at all.??? That you cover up emotions, thoughts , pain , regret, hurt and most of all your lonesomeness. That you're stuck somewhere feeling like you're invisible, treated good but not good enough???. When you stop and think about generation after generation, what a person goes threw in a lifetime, relationships, heart ache the conquer, the ups and downs , smiles and frowns, chances are nothing has change. We're just living in a more colourful world, more hate less emotion toward each other some not caring about anything but them self's. I yet to feel truly happiness, within myself and to be honest who Im dating. I think everything is good and ok.But when I really come to think about it, the things that don't happen, that lack in our relationship really do mean a lot me. I rack my mind on how I can change it, but really who Iam I kidding and better yet why should I try and change someone that isn't right for me??! Habits are hard to break, mind set ways, its like an out going cycle we will never accomplish. Not at all saying that we cant change. Cause we certainly can make a 360° degree change and make it for the better nor the worse for that matter. Feels like Im stuck in a middle of a pool barely swimming yet have enough to keep my head up for air.............

A number just a number??? OR is it????

Ive been weighing out the good and bad of this years bday. Yes folks my 24 year old days are OVER. New check box here I come. So far there hasnt been too much good, but other than meh It's just a number. When I was younger I thought Oh wow by 25 Ill be married perhaps, nice job, nice home, never having to worry about cash flow etc. NOT. Im not married, I have a ok job but dirty job, I rent and I pretty much live pay check to pay check. Who was I kidding. ?? Can't say my accomplishments have been great nor that Im proud. 5 more years and Ill be 30, to me that sounds like its coming too fast and Im scattered to think I can improve and actually accomplish something inspiring ..! In a deeper thought I know I went threw a lot as a young teen, had no self worth, and no condifence. Now I think back now and think what dumb ass I was and what and whom I took for granted!! I do the minding think of the "IF ONLY" I did this and that etc etc..... Nether the less, I turned out ok, aka- I could of done a lot better. !! I just hope the next 5 years are better and more productive.

Another lost on the 5th

Got some really bad news today, my mimi passed away. I was in shock when my mom told me.
October 5th the same day my grandmother passed away 2 years exactly.!!! My mimi was a wonderful lady, going to miss her greatly!! :(
So strange how death is something we barely talk about, and yet it happens every day , hours, minutes and seconds.
Brings family either closer and sometimes further away to each other. Everyone takes death differently, some cry alone, close up, never stop crying, some dont show any emotion at all. Always wonder what a person goes threw within the seconds they are going to pass. Do they feel pain? Is it scary or just so natural that death has no emotion at all???? I suppose its all in how we die? I can honestly say Im not afraid to die. Not that I want too anytime soon but I know one day (hopefully a long time from now) I will go. It's amazing how we tend to take what we have such as relationships we have with others for granted. How seeing someone everyday can be taken from us within seconds.
I still remember the feeling when I found the news that my grams passed. It was like my whole world stooped and I stood there speechless not being able to breath cry yet alone blink.
I was really close to her. When my papa passed about ten or so years ago now, I was really sad as well, but I was kinda young so it didnt have such a great in packed on me. Its strange how some people are harder to accept then others when someone you know passes.


I wrote a poem for my grandma and posted it

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Early October

check it out. My grandmother diied October 5th 2006.
and her mother dies October 5th 2008

A New Come Back??

So I notice that its been awhile since my last blog post...Oh wow JUNE? Im slacking hugely..Although not like people actually read em. Meh, life goes on, expect nothing and receive more . Oh boy Oh boy where to start. Since now its OCTOBER already. Yes, I say it OCTOBER! Where had this year gone? Since when getting older has added the lack of acknowledgment to time and it passing us bye. In fact I notice more so now that even in my day which goes by fast, I barely have time to do rather quick "" On my to do List"" which happens never to get done. LOL. Which if it does happen to magically successively get done, its been sitting there waiting to get accomplished! So like most things I'll ramble on do a few blogs here and there ( to make myself believe )that I have the motivation to actually do something on a more day to day time slot. Summer went bye too fact, and winter is coming near which Im not looking forward to it what so ever. Cold, wet, windy, hits your bones which reminds you how old your getting. LOL.
Yes, this year 25!!!!! Since when a number can mean so much shall I make a no deal or deal with my age? Think I may have to do something outrageously cleaver this year. Not sure what that will be yet, but definitely keep you posted!
Summer was alright though, did some camping, lots of beer drinking, low key nights had some life changing rearrangements so do speak was certainly fun, exciting, and worth it all. AH summer, what a beautiful thing. :)