Should you hang out in a comfortable relationship, even if you know he or she isn't "The One?"
Im currently doing some house cleaning and not too sure where to start. My bf and I get a long great, though I feel something missing. . He's smart, older ,not into the bar scene every weekend, well-dressed, intelligent, and came from a nice family.. He had never cheated on a girlfriend that i know of . He even professed a desire to get married someday. He treats me well, but I kinda feel that there's no passion.
Even his flaws are fairly livable. There was no alcoholism , no trail of ex-wives or illegitimate children. Sure,he passes out before 12pm. He's not really that romantic, but still finds ways to let me know how he feels. You're thinking what the heck am'I complaining about..lol
But, really, nothing too horrible. On paper, he was the perfect guy. In person, however, was an entirely different story
Not that it was bad, it just wasn't that good. It sort of took me a while to realize that he wasn't "The One." We always have a good time together, we rarely argued, and I like his friends and family. The signs that maybe we shouldn't be together were murky at best. Im never really unhappy with him despite little things that rubbed me the wrong way,
Sometimes I'd think about ending the relationship, but with no real catalyst like a big knock-down, drag-out fight (and there are generally no lovers quarrels if you're not really emotionally connected) I hardly gave a breakup much consideration. We got along well, our friends hung out together, he's so laid back, perhaps maybe he's too laid for me?????. Im the type who likes to get out, do new things, spend time with friends, rather than stay home all the time and watch movies. I sometimes feel Im draggin him out and he's only going out with me because he has too. Im 24 going on 25 and he's 34 going to be 35.. Is are age difference really getting in the way of the spark??.. Like don't get me wrong. I love him I do. But I kinda feel at times he's only with me because Im young pretty, and besides what 34 old man wants to be alone..???...????
This type of dilemma is actually quite common when you're in a situation where you get along well, but the sparks just aren't there. But here's what you have to ask yourself: If your guy or girl is really perfect for you on paper, then why aren't there any sparks? And should you hang out in a comfortable relationship indefinitely, even if you know he or she isn't "The One?"
Got me to think about definition of passion from your heart? Or is it more of an expectation, driven by soap operas and cable television? Think about the relationships you've had where you did feel passion -- were they with bad boys who treated you like dirt? Women who barely acknowledged you existed until they needed a new drink? Sometimes we mix up passion with danger -- so a nice, sweet guy or girl who really might be right for us doesn't make our palms sweat because they're, well, nice.
I'll have the veal. No, the chicken. No, the veal
The second thing you need to ask yourself is why you're not feeling sparks if this person really is perfect on paper. Do you really want what you want?
If he looks good on paper, but your having second thoughts , you need to think about whether what you've been looking for is what you really want. Or, is it what somebody else convinced you that you should want, like Mom, or your gaggle of married girlfriends.
Third, your intuition could be telling you something. If he or she is technically exactly what you're looking for but something's just not right, it could be your intuition picking up on some little clues. And, the truth is, every day you spend with Mr. (or Ms.) Right Now is a day you're missing out with Mr. (or Ms.) Right.
As far as my "On Paper" guy was concerned, frankly, I don't think I was his "One" any more but both of us were comfortable hanging out and having fun.
I really don't know what to do. I don't want to string him along. Than again I sometimes feel that I'm being stringed along, and I'm just a nice look arm decoration. I guess I just feel alone a lot.
He is very closed off, doesn't say how he feels too often, drives me nuts . I'am Selfish for wanting to be romance once in awhile to know that he cares about me without him even saying it. Its been awhile since he just kissed me for no reason. In some cases I do a lot of physical part, and he just goes for the ride. Though no relationship is perfect, maybe this is just one our low times rather than high......
2 comments:
Holy shit girl! Why do we seem to go through the same phases in relationships around the same time? I had no idea until I read your blog that you were even thinking that stuff about you and your boy! Wow, guess we need to talk more, huh. lol. Anyway, I know you'll figure it all out. ;-)
Ya i know...we do have to talk more...
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